Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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