last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
