New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
