"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
