did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
