Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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