Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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