ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
