Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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