Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you win again, gameday.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Randomize
