Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
