guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
