I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
