Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
