I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
