i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
