Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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