I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
