oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
