Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
