all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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