i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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