I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
