Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize