She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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