Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
