yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
