Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
