Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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