sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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