Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
zippers are such a cool invention
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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