Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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