More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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