420 ftw
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
