He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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