hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
