I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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