Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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