Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i wish my penis had a tongue
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
