Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
