No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
