I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
