New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
