hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Randomize