I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
