oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
