What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
