It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
