I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
