as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
