Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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