...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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