I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
