she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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