i jhust puked up my retainher.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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