I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
