Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
