everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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