It was confusing and full of hummus
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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