I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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