She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
