I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
