used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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