Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
