If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I will pee on everything he values.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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