Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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