whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
