So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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