you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I feel like abortions should bother me more
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
