Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
