that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
