some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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