see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
